Played on Repeat
by Aquamarine1212
Summary: "He didn't know how to describe the pain that was coursing through him; the closest thing he could think of would be if someone had taken a rusty, loose pair of pliers and ripped his still-beating heart out of his chest." A one-shot. Rated K-Plus for heartbreak, drama and angst.


**I got bored and wrote this, even though I told myself I'd work on my actual stories. :P Lol, oh well. The ending on this seems a little rushed to me, I might come back to that and edit it later. Yeeep. And I was considering having this be a deathfic...Donnie just having a random heart attack at the end to throw everybody off. But nah, I wasn't that cruel. :)**

 **I don't own turtles.**

His heart was fluttering in his chest as he leapt across the span between the roofs. Gracefully, the turtle somersaulted silently to break his fall, then rolled out of his tuck and continued to run just as furiously. Silent and swift, just as ninja should be. Graceful. Poised. In control. These were the thoughts that ran through his head as he made the jump from rooftop to rooftop with no hesitation. It came as naturally to him as breathing. Run. Jump. Tuck. Repeat. Not once did he think of the consequences of misjudging the span between roofs, a swift plummet to the ground. Besides, he'd survive that fall. Maybe he'd be a bit achy in the morning and a touch more snappy, but no worse off. Run. Jump. Tuck. Repeat.

With the next jump, a smile broke his otherwise focused appearance. Patrol tonight had been a yawn, but that was fine by him. He had run ahead of his brothers on the way back, telling them that he just wanted to " _check up on something."_ He had heard Raph and Mikey snickering as he left, whispering " _more like he's going to check_ out _someone."_ But this time he hadn't been bothered by their whispers. Only last week, him and April had went to Murakami's alone. I mean, it was technically a study date, but right there, in the title, it still said "date". She had giggled at all his dumb jokes about trigonometry, and he had even doodled her a little picture of a cat as she had worked on her homework. For a minute he had been worried that it was stupid, but she had already spotted it and delightedly asked if she could keep it. He had of course, gladly obliged, blushing furiously. As they left she had even given him a little peck on the cheek, making his hormones rage. Things were going well, and a little bit of snickering from his brothers couldn't break the glow inside his chest.

In fact, right now he was headed to April's. He hadn't texted beforehand; it was just going to be a little surprise visit. He had a bag of M&M's ; he knew they were her favorite ; and had tied a bit of ribbon around the top, just to make it seem a bit prettier. He'd stop in, they talk for a moment, and maybe, _just maybe,_ if he was lucky he'd get a hug before he left. He hoped she'd see it as sweet, because that's what he was going for. Ever since he had sort of... _stalked_ her after a fight, he was trying to keep himself from coming off too strong. He didn't want to creep her out, it's just that he couldn't stand it when she ignored him, and he sort of jumped to conclusions and became desperate, rather irrationally now that he thought back on it. Nope, no more of that. He was going to be as polite and non-stalkerish as they got.

His heart gave another flutter as her apartment home, above the Second Time Around Antique Store, came into view. The lights glowed dimly from the curtain-drawn windows. He stopped on the roof across the street to brush himself off of any dust or dirt that had stuck to his skin and ran his tongue over his teeth self-consciously. Keep it together, he told himself firmly. It was only a little visit. Nothing fancy, nothing official. Just an " _Oh hey, I happened to be passing by"_ kind of thing. _Casual. Cool. Composed. Why do these all start with C?_

He shook his head. This was stupid, sitting here staring at her house. He didn't have all night; no doubt his brothers were heading his way right now and would quickly catch up. He took in a deep breath of the crisp night air, filling his lungs with it. The rain, only having stopped an hour or so ago, left everything smelling new. It was a perfect night.

He took a catapulting jump from the rooftop and grabbed onto the streetlight, landing on it only for a second before he had launched himself at the streetlight across the street, then flung his body up onto the rooftop on the other side with a flip. The perfect execution pleased him. His confidence was only growing.

"Hey, April," he murmured to himself, coughing and making a bruffing noise in his throat as he cleared it. The lanky turtle meandered his way down the fire escape. "Hey April." Subconsciously he ran his hand over his head, smoothing out the hair he didn't have. Casual.

Far too quickly he had reached her bedroom window. With one last burst of panic shoved down, he leaned to peer through the curtains and lifted his hand to knock-

Time seemed to slow. No, it stopped. Through his slitted view of the room, he could see everything perfectly. April was not alone - she was about as far from it as you could get. He didn't know how to describe the pain that was coursing through him; the closest thing he could think of would be if someone had taken a rusty, loose pair of pliers and ripped his still-beating heart out of his chest. In the corner of the room, a shaggy haired hockey player had her by the waist, down in a dip like they had been dancing. And they were both smiling at each other like sunflowers in midday. Casey's grin widened and he leaned downwards. It seemed like an eternity of him leaning downwards, further and further, watching April's eyes get wider and wider, and then he had his _filthy_ mouth pressed up against her lips. Donnie nearly choked, on what he didn't know, but the hoarse sound forced it's way up his throat and out his lips. They were _dancing._ They were _kissing._ After all those days spent worrying over her, all those hard-earned little pecks on the cheek, every second he had slaved away with only the intention of helping her, this is how it ended. With her _making out_ with a boy she had only met months ago. He wanted to be furious, he wanted to be enraged. Instead he felt empty.

And too late, he tried to draw back his hand, but the knuckles knocked on glass before he could stop them.

He saw them both look up in surprise. The curtains were drawn, but he knew she would be able to see his face through the crack in the cloth. Her expression twisted into one of horror and for one second that felt like an eternity, their eyes were locked. And then her eyes filled up with the most disgusting emotion Donnie could have imagined on her face.

Pity.

Bitter comprehension filled him up like a wave of salty ocean water. It didn't matter how many kisses she gave him, how many nights they spent together, in the end Casey was a human, and he was not, and that was the deciding factor of the equation. It didn't matter if she felt anything for him or not, she couldn't sacrifice the life ahead of her in exchange for a life of living in sewers and being a monster's bride. Who would ever want that? The answer was clear. Nobody. No human could ever love a mutant enough to give up their life and hide from the world just to be with them.

He saw her lips mouth "Donnie", but he had already turned and leapt straight off the fire escape, landing on the ground. His form was sloppy and the shock went straight to his ankles, causing him to emit a hiss of pain from his mouth. Behind him, he heard the window latch pop as it flew open.

"Donnie, wait!" April's voice came drifting from above, desperate and broken. He hesitated, but he couldn't bring himself to turn. So instead, like a coward, he ran. A sappy little coward who thought that he might have found something special with a girl. It was all a stupid little delusion. Donnie gritted his teeth and forced the tightness in his throat to subside. He forced the water, screaming to pour out his eyes, back inside, shoving it deep down. When he passed by an open garbage can he whipped out the bag of candy, meant for April, and dropped it in as he flew past. _Won't be needing those I guess._ All of this was like a sick little game. The game of love, full of liars and cheaters swimming in a thick ocean of deception. And he had been _played,_ like a card. Alleyways flew past his vision in a blur of gray. Closer to the ground, the rain had already worn off, and the stink of trash filled the air like a cloud of smog.

"Hey, look who's back!"

The second he turned around the corner he came face to face with his brothers. Blood was pounding in his ears and he breathed heavily, blinking to try and focus in on the three blurred, shifting shapes that were his brothers.

"Well that was quick," Raphael commented, almost sounding disappointed. "So I guess you guys didn't make out dramatically on the patio or anything, huh?" His comment was lighthearted and teasing. Like it was a _joke._ Like them actually being together was a freaking _joke_ to him. And he was right, it had all been a poorly crafted practical joke and he had just went along with it because he was too blind to see what a lie it was. His breath hitched and his vision went blurry again.

"Donnie, are you ok?" Leonardo's voice cut through the night, worried as he started to approach. Donatello's throat constricted and suddenly he was having problems breathing.

"She played me," he choked out hoarsely, shaking his head in disbelief. The realization that his blurry vision was due to water building up in his eyes hit him and he tried to blink it away.

"What?" Leo demanded, his eyes widening. Suddenly all the laughter and lightheartedness was sucked out of the air. Donnie's phone buzzed and chimed in his pocket. He knew who it was, and so he quickly pulled it out and pressed the "decline" button, a little harder than he'd meant to. Leonardo flinched as the screen made a cracking sound. All three of his brothers stared at him like he was some sort of foreign creature. He turned around, not giving them enough time to fully realize what he had just told them. He didn't want to see pity wash over their face. He didn't want them to say it would be okay, because they'd be lying. Of course it wouldn't be okay.

"Let's go home," Donnie muttered darkly, tucking away his phone and climbing up the nearest fire escape. He could hear his brothers follow behind him, and felt a dash of gratefulness that none of them had questioned him. When he reached the roof, Raphael slid in beside him. A sense of dread filled up the purple-banded turtle.

"Please don't," Donatello turned to plead. "I can't right now." Raphael didn't turn to look at him, only continued to stare out at the city with a set-in frown and narrowed eyes. His eyes glowed luminescent green underneath his red mask.

"I know," he grunted softly. His eyes turned downwards and to Donatello's utter shock, he grabbed his hand and gave it a little comforting squeeze. "We're gonna do everything we can for you bro." Then the red-masked terrapin was flying off the roof like nothing had happened. Huh.

Donnie went for the edge of the roof and this time he didn't stop himself when the water came trickling down his face. In the shield of night nobody could see him giving in to the tears. Run. Jump. Tuck. Repeat. His feet pounded against the rooftops. Run. Jump. Tuck. Repeat. Everything felt numb and empty, but the darkness comforted him, cradled him. The boiling rage would come soon, but for now he just let the nothingness consume him.

Run. Jump. Tuck. Repeat.


End file.
